March 4, 2010
Like a lot of creative people, I have struggled with the belief that I actually have anything to offer. This is why I am great at investing my time and energy into other activities and other non-creative related jobs. It makes me feel like I am doing something, that I am contributing to society, that I am somehow participating. But at the end of the day there is still that feeling that I am not answering to myself.
I didn’t really connect with this feeling until my dear friend and co-writer turned me on to The Artist’s Way. For those of you who don’t know about this book and philosophy, let me just sum it up in two words: “Morning Pages.” One of the benefits from reading The Artist’s Way was learning how to do “Morning Pages,” as author Julia Cameron refers to them.
Without going into lengthy detail, “Morning Pages” unlocked many doors to my mind, heart, dreams, and imagination. It subtly and not so subtly made me see how I had been cheating myself out of opportunities by not believing in what I had to offer. For that, I am grateful. I believe it is after I read the book that I finally “got the message.” I have now written my own book, Freelancing in Tokyo, produced two short films, written numerous scripts, and won awards in the process.
And yet… I still struggle every morning with “Facing the Page.” Today I struggled mightily, but once I said, “Oh, for Pete’s sake, all right, already, I will sit down and write!”… once I said that, I could not stop. My short film script is essentially done and I finally feel my feature is actually going to be completed soon (at least the first draft). These are wonderful feelings and I guess what I want to say is:
There is a lot of internal “noise” that constantly tells us “no” — while I can think of some choice responses, the best thing to tell yourself (and the noise or the voices or whatever you want to call them) is: “I can.” Today, I didn’t think I could, but not only did I put in time on two scripts, I made a storyboard for a video I’m collaborating on and finished two assignments for a magazine I edit for. So, surprise, surprise, I can, I do, I could and I did!